


Coma

by RainbowJeff



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Angst, Cheesy, M/M, fluff at the end, idiot baz and simon, sassy penny, short and sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 11:24:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20191492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowJeff/pseuds/RainbowJeff
Summary: Baz has an emotional breakdown and tries to commit suicide





	Coma

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments and tell me how I did!

**Baz**

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m being delusional. Every night when I sneak out, just as I’ve been doing for the past 6 years, my mind goes to a fantastical world of love and Simon Snow. The hero of the World of Mages, the Chosen One, the boy the Humdrum has been chasing since he was 11, is lying safe in my arms. My fingers are tangled in his bronze curls, and his arms are wrapped around my waist, heating my entire being. He whispers sweet words into my ear, and I feel his trust, no longer stupidly believing the reason I’m following him is because I’m plotting something. Then the cool night breeze will gust against my cold skin, and I will awaken from my trance. My wishful hoping becomes nothing more than a delusion inside of my head, and it will stay a delusion until I realize that Simon fucking Snow will never love me, will never touch me unless he is meaning to hurt me. And hurt me he does.

**Simon**

I lay awake, another restless night ahead of me. Baz isn’t here, so I have the freedom to pace the room gathering my thoughts without my prick vampire roommate brooding in the corner. He’s been acting strange lately, stranger than normal that is, and I just know he’s plotting to kill me again. I’m almost certain that the put that goblin up to kill me when I arrived at school this year. It’s not like I could go and ask him about it though, because he was missing for almost two months before he showed up in the middle of dinner one night. He’s been acting weird ever since he returned, and I’m sure his disappearance is part of his new plot to kill me. The room develops a smoky smell to it, just like it always does when I get agitated about something, and I can't help it, my magic just seeps out of me. If only I wasn’t so bloody bad at using my magic correctly, I could have probably killed Baz already and wouldn’t be lying awake worried about him killing  _ me.  _ My life is a fucking mess because of that stupid vampire, and I wish I knew what was going on inside of that sharp as a tack mind of his. 

I lay on my bed pondering until the morning light touches my window. With a sigh, I grab my trousers, my jacket and my tie, and get dressed quickly lest Baz come back and see me half-naked. I make it down to breakfast faster than I normally would, grab about half a dozen sour cherry scones, and wait for Penny to come down to breakfast. Agatha makes it down first and I nod to her, then set upon one of my scones. Things between me and Agatha haven’t been the same since she started drooling over Baz, and we broke things off at the beginning of the year. We barely even talk now, and my one true friend that I have left is Penny. She finally comes down the staircase leading to breakfast, and makes her way over to me.

“You have bags under your eyes Simon. I take it you didn’t sleep well last night?” She inquires, always knowing exactly what’s wrong with me.

“I couldn’t sleep a wink,” I reply, “Baz was gone all night, and I was worried about him.” I replied, before realizing what I’ve just said.

She raises her eyebrow at me before incredulously answering, “You were worried about Baz, Tyrannus Basilton Pitch, your, and I quote, ‘prick vampire roommate’. You are not Baz’s mother, nor are you dating him, so why in the name of magic are you worried about him?!”

My cheeks feel flustered at the thought of dating Baz Pitch, even though I know the very notion of it is stupid. “You know that’s not what I meant. I meant I was worried that he was out and about plotting my demise!”

She rolls her eyes. “Not everything Baz thinks about is plotting your demise, I mean, He’s only tried to kill you three times over 6 and a half years.”

“Four times!” I exclaim. “Don’t forget about the chimera.”

Penny just looks at me. “You and I know perfectly well that he did not summon a chimera to kill you. That chimera got into the grounds on its own and you and Baz accidentally stumbled across it by pure circumstance.”

“He still shoved me at it and told me to kill a full grown chimera by myself. I was only fourteen!” I can’t believe Penny is taking Baz’s side on this.

“The chimera breathed fire Simon, and Baz is a bit flammable if you haven’t noticed. He was probably scared out of his mind.” Her tone makes it sound like she is explaining something to a toddler. 

“Baz isn’t scared of anything,” I say, “He is the type of person that is never scared or startled by anything.”

“Everyone is afraid of something, even if that someone is Baz.” She ends the conversation, leaving me to wonder what my enemy is afraid of.

**Baz**

I grab one of my matches out of my pocket, grab a cigarette, and light it. I sit down with it and watch the sunrise, and how beautifully it lights the sky afire. I study my lit cigarette, and without a second consideration, flick it into the pile of dead leaves that lay beside me. A small fire starts up almost immediately, considering that the leaves were very dry from the lack of rain lately. I stand up abruptly, the fire seems to consume me from within, and cast  **Some Like It Hot ** on the leaf pile. A simple spell that Snow uses to heat up his stupid scones also has a more sinister purpose. The flames glow blue with heat, and they expand upward and outward, racing across the clearing, consuming everything in their way. I stare at the burning sky wondering just when I lost my mind over Simon Snow. Probably the day I met him, when I fell in love for the first time. Who knew love could be so powerful, so powerful that one day it could make you want to burn everything, even your stupid delusional self, just so you can have piece of mind once again. 

“Fuck you Simon Snow,” I whisper to the sky as I fall to the ground and the fire consumes me. I hear the screams of my fellow classmates, and in the darkness, I hear Simon Snow yelling in anguish besides them.

**Simon**

Just as I began to stare off into space, I hear several students yelling from the window. Penny and I rush over to them, and see a horror unfold in a blaze of fire. The grounds have caught fire, and in the middle of the great blaze stands Baz, the very flammable vampire, standing there staring at the sky. The mob of students pushes me up the stairs and out the door that leads outside, and then the screams start. The cacophony that my classmates are making compares nothing with the rush of blood inside my own head. When Baz collapses, against my will I let out my own “BAZ NO!” Penny casts an  **It’s Raining Cats and Dogs ** and the sky thunders, quickly dousing the fire with a tremendous downpour of rain. She and I then race over to Baz to discover his burned body. Thank fucking magic he isn’t that badly hurt, it would appear that he passed out from the heat and not from burns. Penny checks his pulse anyway and reports that he has remained stubbornly alive once again. Baz has a long burn down the side of his face, and more burns on his arms and torso, and as we try to lift him, his shirt falls apart from all of the little burns that cover it. My breath catches as my arms meet his still cold grey skin. It’s softer than I’d imagined, but still smooth and firm as it appears from afar. When I see that Baz’s friends Dev and Niall are approaching, I motion for Penny to set him down. The pair look haughtily at me until I command them, “Take Baz to the Infirmary. Now.” I’m not sure where all of this protectiveness for Baz is coming from, but for some reason I just want him to be safe. 

“Of course, O’ Great Chosen One,” Dev replies snarkily, but he and Niall pick him up anyway and drag him away. Once my curious classmates see that Baz is not dead and all the action is over, they disembark with exited whispers about what they think has happened. I’m sure there are going to be rumors all over about what happened in the clearing, but all I can think about is Baz’s beautiful soft skin marred by burn marks. Wait, beautiful soft skin? Where the fuck did that come from?! Baz doesn’t have beautiful soft skin, he has stupid skin on a stupid body connected to a stupid brain that thinks that he can just stand in the middle of a fucking fire without dying. I sink into the fresh mud, completely exhausted by the day’s events, and it isn’t even 8:00 am yet. I see no point in going to class now, my mind would not be able to concentrate on any of my school work after this morning, so I lay in the mud and rain just pondering until I fall asleep. 

**Simon**

Things just haven’t been the same after Baz went into a coma. The school nurse said that after a couple hours of IV drip his vitals were back to normal, but he stayed stubbornly unconscious no matter what she tried. 

“It’s almost like he wants to stay in a coma, like he’s willing himself to be dead. He did try to kill himself in a fire Simon,” she says solemnly. “I have never tried to heal a vampire before, so I could be spitballing here, but he might never wake up.” 

Oh yeah, everyone knows that Baz is a vampire now, once the nurse figured it out, word spread around the school like wildfire. Surprisingly, no one seems to care that much, but that was probably because they had their suspicions before. At the nurse’s admission though, I feel a sense of relief followed by guilt, which puzzles me. Why should I feel guilty that Baz might die? I didn’t hurt him, and I always knew that I would have to kill him eventually, so I should be feeling relieved. Instead, all I feel is a sickening sense of guilt and sadness. I’m still not getting much sleep either, due to a recurring dream about Baz that I can’t get out of my head. He stands in the middle of the clearing, holding a lit match, and then he spins around and sees me standing there. He smirks a little saying, “You make me burn Snow,” before he drops the match and everything, including me, is engulfed in white hot flames. Then I wake up and the room seems much too big and cold without him here, just as it did when he was missing before. Class is different too, Penny is on top again, and class passes without much interruption due to Baz not contradicting everything the teacher says. I find myself wishing that he was here, safe, and it kills me not to know why. 

**Baz**

I awaken in a long white room, on a soft bed with nothing but a thin, white sheet covering me. I stand up, wrap the sheet around me, and take in my surroundings. The room looks too clean and bare to be the Infirmary, with nothing in it except my bed and a door that leads outside. I go over and open the door, expecting to find blackened grass and burned down trees. Instead, the clearing looks as green as it did before my little stunt, which puzzles me; How long was I asleep? I shut the door and turn back around only to find a woman standing behind me. I step backward, startled, but upon closer inspection of her I finally recognize her, my mother. Tears well up in my eyes, and confusion and sadness fill me. 

“Mother,” I say, too overwhelmed to say anything else. Instead of her greeting me with a smile or a hug, she just meets my gaze without much emotion.

“Basilton,” she says sternly, “Why are you still acting like a child? A Pitch never runs away from his problems, not through death or distance. Why do you run from Simon Snow instead of facing him like a man, talking about your problems instead of hiding them from him?”

I stare bewildered at my mother. “How could I ever tell him that I love him? He is my enemy. You aren’t supposed to fall in love with your enemy.”

Natasha Pitch answers me back curtly. “So you admit that you love him then.”

“Of course I love him! I have loved him ever since I laid eyes on him, and I hate myself for it.” I reply.

“You would not be here if you had told someone about your strange fascination with Simon. You would not hate yourself so much if you knew that others could understand and support you.”

“Am I dead?” I ask. “I would only be able to see you if I was dead, so am I?

“No Basilton, you are not dead.” She looks fairly annoyed at me by now. “You are only dreaming, so wake up and stop this childish nonsense! You need to learn to face your troubles, so wake up and face them. Stop hiding from Simon Snow.”

She disappears, and the whole dream fades to black.

I stand in a burning forest, face to face with Simon Snow. He looks at me reproachfully, as if I’m about to bite him. 

“Snow-” I begin, but am cut off by his words, for once not filled with his usual childish blustering.

“Why did you do it Baz?” He asks tiredly. “Why would you try to kill yourself? What made you do it?”

“You Snow,” I said giving up entirely. “You are the single fucking reason why I wanted myself dead, because I have to see you every day. Because I love you, and I absolutely hate myself for it.”

Dream Simon doesn’t look as surprised as he probably would in real life. “I thought so. And the thing is, I think I love you too, no matter how crazy that sounds.”

“How could you?!” I retort, filled with fury. “I’m your arch nemesis Snow! There is no possible way that you could ever love me!”

“I could love you Baz. I could love you if you actually let me.” He says this with perfect sincerity. “But you are so afraid to be hurt, that you never tell anyone anything, never let anyone close to your heart in fear that they will leave you.”

His words hit true, and they make me feel absolutely alone.

“I could love you, but all you ever do is push me away. I  _ would  _ love you, but all you ever do is tell me that you don’t want me.”

_ I could love you.  _

_ I would love you.  _

I love you.  **I love you. **

I wake up, gasping for air.

**Simon**

Three weeks.  **Three weeks. ** Baz has been in a coma for three weeks now, and I miss him terribly. He has become the only person that I want to see, the only person that I want to see healthy and alive. Walking around like the snobbish prince that he pretends he is, in the way that used to annoy me to death, has now become the very thing I want to see him do. For him to just be there is enough for me, reading a book in the library, or watching me at dinner when he thinks I can’t see him. But I always see him, always know he’s there, and that reassures me for some reason. I just want to know that he’s there, safe. This admittance to myself scares the bloody shit out of me. I mean, I want fucking  _ Baz  _ to be safe for Merlin’s sake, my annoying roommate/vampire arch nemesis. I would tell him that I need him around just so I can make sure he’s ok, but what would my friends think? The Mage? But I would still tell him, even if he doesn’t care, because if I didn’t, I would never know if that’s really the case. 

I go to visit him at the hospital more often now, just to see something I would never see if he was awake. Peace. He looks so peaceful just lying there on the bed, with his hands folded over his stomach and his hair slightly tousled against the pillow. Even though I want him to wake up so badly, I’ll miss these moments. The simple fact that we can be in the same room together without trying him trying to bite me is the thing that I’ll miss the most. If he ever does wake up. I try not to think about that, I would like to believe my presence does him some good, but I’m not a healer. I really don’t know the first thing about medicinal magic, and I wouldn’t know how to heal Baz even if I did. I wouldn’t dare to risk casting a spell on him, but it would be no use anyway. The school nurse already tried  **Rise and Shine, Upsy Daisy, Wake Up and Smell The Roses, ** and those are the only spells I know that can wake a person up. I wish that I could do Baz some good besides just sitting here and staring at him, and occasionally stroking his hair and cold grey skin. I trace my hand over his arms, feeling the occasional burn mark that marrs his usually perfect skin. I trace the lines of his face, his forehead, his cheeks, his nose, his jaw, and eventually his lips. Especially his lips. This is the first and probably only time I’ll ever get to do this, so I might as well take my time, and after awhile, I know his face as well as my own. 

“I could love you if you let me love you Baz,” I say to his sleeping body. “I would love you if you didn’t push me away all the time.” Once I say the words, I know that they are the real reason I want him back. At least I know now, considering how oblivious I am to my feelings.

He stops breathing. 

I freeze, not knowing exactly what to do but sit and wait for him to start breathing again, but after 15 seconds I start to panic. I lean my ear down to his mouth, hoping to hear a faint whisper of a breath, but there’s nothing to hear. I move my head lower, hoping for a heartbeat, but I don’t hear one either. Of fucking course I don’t, considering the fact that he’s technically already dead. Stupid bloody vampire. It’s been nearly a minute now, maybe even more, and he still hasn’t started breathing yet. 

“Come one Baz,” I whisper urgently. “Come one, wake up Baz. At least take a breath.” But he doesn’t. I keep saying things, trying to wake him up. By now, my voice has risen to nearly a scream. 

“BAZ! PLEASE WAKE UP, I NEED YOU BASILTON GRIMM-PITCH. I FUCKING NEED YOU BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!  **I LOVE YOU!** WAKE UP YOU STUPID BASTARD!”

And then he wakes up, gasping for air. 

**Baz**

I never thought that I would wake up to have a crying Simon Snow hugging me. Well, apparently there’s endless possibilities to what life may bring you. My first initial primitive reaction was hunger, because Simon smelled tasty, and I hadn’t eaten in Merlin knows how long. The next things were a jumble, a catastrophic mess of love, lust, happiness, depression, longing, disgust, and underlying hatred. I couldn’t really think or order my feelings because Simon was literally squeezing the life out of me. His hugs apparently are quite strong.

“For the love of Merlin Snow, stop squeezing me so hard. It’s bad enough that you’ve already soaked my shirt with your tears.” I say, pretending to be cross, when actually I’m overjoyed that he’s here. 

“I just can’t believe you aren’t dead!” I somehow make out his words through his joyful sobs.

“I just can’t believe that you actually don’t want me to be dead.” I retort, somewhat sassily, but I just can’t help it. 

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I missed you Baz,” he starts, “I realized that after you went into a coma, I needed you around. I needed you to just be there, being as posh and stuck up as you always are. Even if I pretended that I didn’t want you around, I realized that I really did. Simon isn’t Simon without Baz.”

I certainly wasn’t expecting that. 

“How long was I in a coma?” I ask, because for some reason the first thing that I start to worry about is how much school I missed.

“Three weeks, two days, and 17 hours.” He answers this question with earnest and disappointment, like he wants me to know how mad he is at me for going into a coma for so long. 

“Oh,” I say, feeling the dread in my veins.

“Yeah, you were asleep for a long time,” Snow says somberly.

I want to say more, but he’s crawled on top of me and started kissing me.

I’ve imagined this several times, whether it was day dreaming or actual dreaming, but the real thing certainly wasn’t as I ever imagined. For one, I wasn’t suave and debonair about it as I usually am in my fantasies, because he caught me off guard and I’m wearing a fucking hospital gown. Two, I’d always imagined the kiss as romantic and neat, but he was actually quite a sloppy kisser. Or maybe that was just me being sloppy. Third, he was just so warm, I felt like I was going to catch on fire, but in a good way. The kiss was still one of the best things I had ever experienced, which made my life kind of sad once you stop and think about it. Even if he was the reason that I wanted to kill myself a few weeks ago, he seems to be the only one that can stop me from doing so. Here I feel happy and at peace, a feeling that I could get used to. He looks at me with those bright blue eyes and smiles at me, a true smile, and I finally feel that I belong in this world.

  
  
  


**The End**


End file.
